Building Trust, by Flores and Solomon is a really good book. I rank it with The Wisdom of Insecurity, by Alan Watts as two of the most mind altering books I have read. Watts turned the conventional wisdom of insecurity on it's head, essentially showing that security or fixedness is closer to death and that insecurity or uncertainty is closer to life. When his wisdom sinks in, one comes to appreciate insecurity for what it is--the experience life-giving growth. On can then quit amplifying a certain amount of natural stress, by dropping the judgment that insecurity is bad.

Flores and Solomon turn broken trust and betrayal on their heads, as Watts did with insecurity. They allow one to see that trust and betrayal are sides of the same coin (one meaningless without the possibility of the other) and they also allow one to see that creating and rebuilding trust is the key act in creating a better and shared future. Without such acts of trusting and rebuilding of trust from moments of betrayal, no better future is possible. Trust is not a thing to be shattered. Trusting is a competency for all forward looking people to practice and learn--a verb, not a noun.

Below is a kind of relationship diagram that captures some of the ideas that filled my head as I read the book.

1:13:27 PM     comment []   Google It!  

A friend of mine, Gervase Bushe, wrote a very useful book: Clear Leadership. The insights and framework are based upon his career as a professor and business consultant

Clear Leadership is full of practical and immediately useful mental models and advice. Organizations are beginning to use it as a framework for leadership training at all levels.

After reading this book, I created a mnemonic and a drawing that help me keep a few of the book's key points in mind and handy for my use. I give them to you with Gervase's permission.

SOFTeNeD stories and maps.

Sensing--what is my body telling me? Am I poised for a fight, to flee, to hear, to learn, to have fun, etc.

Observing--what would others agree happened, what was objective, what data can we agree upon and share?

Feeling--awareness of feelings is very useful early on, as feeling color everything else.

experience, each person has a different one

Need (want)--what do I want to happen, what do I want in the way of agreements.

experience, our stories come from our experience, we can share these and ask others to share their's. Experience is subjective and has numerous aspects (SOFTND)

Do--what will I do and what will I agree to do?

This little graphic represents for me Gervase's four profound senses of self and matching sets of skills:

Appreciative self--the halos, understand what you and the other have done that you would like to see more of. It is a kind of "assets based" approach or "appreciative" approach and comes form the appreciative inquiry framework.

Aware self--the recursive loop, suggests that we spend time first going over the SOFTeNeD algorithm personally, before trying to tell others or ask others.

Descriptive self--the arrow from my mouth to the other's ear, suggests that I must describe my SOFTeNeD stories and maps to the other in an appreciative frame and expressing understanding that it is only my experience, not all facts.

Curious self--the arrow from the other's mouth to my ear, suggests that I must have skill in asking and hearing about their experiences and if possible their SOFTeNeD stories and maps. I try to hear in an appreciative frame.

It has been about a year since I read this book and I have not reviewed it for this post. I hope you will pick the book up and work with the concepts in it. We can all do our parts to reduce the "interpersonal mush" in our organizations and communities as well as at home.

11:47:45 AM     comment []   Google It!  

I have gradually come to realize that I unconsciously make a binary choice each time I think or act. I get out of my bed either on the defensive side or the learning side.

I either start my day holding on to... you name it. Or, I start my day open, willing and interested in learning, being vulnerable, wrong, embarrassed, over worked, surprised, delighted...open to a different future than I had yesterday. I think that it is this almost unconscious step that determines what is possible and what happens.

This is a short and somewhat personal post. I doubt that it requires more explaination.

I am just trying to be more aware of that first step each morning and each moment.

8:36:24 AM     comment []   Google It!